…True Limes

January 27, 2010

  You ever notice that when a place’s name is ________ by the sea even though it is by the sea it sucks. They would never consider adding by the sea to anything that is actually by the sea that is awesome.


..fate closer explanation

January 26, 2010

closer to the reasoning


January 26, 2010

 Ugh, thats what I can produce today just Ugh. I am tired of winter I am tired of cold. I want to feel the warmth of the sun flooding my little corner of the earth or I would like to move my little corner of the earth someplace else. Anyone have a house sitting gig in Malibu? Yeah like anyone on that coast would be reading this. I always wonder about the day the ocean comes and takes your house and property back into the sea. How does that work I am sure insurance doesn’t cover the vestiges of time. Do you suddenly own a spot in the sea? Can you own the tide if it is just in a small area, say the size of a giant house that used to overlook it? I can just imagine with my luck how it would work. I finally fulfill my dream of a grand house overlooking the sea only to have that same sea wriggle free of its moorings and claim my tiny spot in the world, my home as its own. This will  probably occur right after my third mortgage payment. You know right after everything is finally moved in  just the way we like it. With my outstanding luck the first guest would be the tide. Knock knock, is it the new neighbours with pie to greet the homeowner? Naw its’ the ocean your first house guest. Ever have a  guest you just can’t seem to get rid off? You know the kind that doesn’t seem to take a hint? I think we are the house guests missing hints sometimes. What happens at settlement? Do they warn you about the endless movement of the earth? Does the house inspector explain entropy? Do you call in a geologist? Perhaps it’s more than just accruing the wealth to secure one of those Malibu houses you also have to have a degree in topology. Or perhaps I am just cold and in need of a day at the beach..warm sun..warmer sand..the samd of the tide…the knowledge that something that old and wonderful has never skipped a beat and has just been waiting to reclaim the rest of the world.


January 25, 2010

  Across the window the day plays games with itself at first dark and bleak filled with lemon sized raindrops. Puddles flood your walkway and of course all cars are parked far from doors this evening. To be locked up inside on such a day dreaming of toadstools and ant farms and McCully. Like a fresh blanket on a cold night the sun forces its warmth across the window allowing play to continue but in itself changing the very fabric of the day. Forcing new thoughts on different matter but far brighter than the last. The sun in its casual abandon allows a new complexity on the day. Changing the formulation of a dreary topic, if you could live longer would you allow the death of someone else, the stranger paradigm. Just being too develop into the ramifications of the thought when the sun changed the mood bringing with it a new idea, a spark so to say.

And suddenly the rain returns bringing all thinking round to its dismal way. the voices that trail alongside the window have all lost their swagger and become as quiet as the ground. Forced to accept drop after drop warring and whareing each section.

And then the sun again and everything changes. Do you find the weather this problematic?


January 23, 2010

Do I talk in yesterdays too? Every word  fully laced with an event that portrays me as a star circa 10 years ago or more. It’s almost as if these days that surround me now have a different taste. Kind of like always loving peanut butter sandwiches and then next thing you know you love grape sandwiches. It’s a change in the very core of you or something you do and its sudden and holds no subtlety. As shaking as a change from liking Elvis to the Beatles. You go about your business with the fact of who you are placed firmly into the life you lead. Every little habit or crutch that makes up your day provided by some stimulus or input that describes your likes and dislikes. You make sense to yourself which helps you make sense out of the world. In a way your sight defines your life so why does it change so out of the blue with no warning?

Remember when you were little and your parents would tell you that you need to grow into liking a certain food?


January 22, 2010

  Next to me behind  shared walls on each side nestle families with their busy lives. Some of these lives happen behind the wall where the TV is mounted so its lives acted out in front of lives acting out. For a block we each share two families some of us share a family and a street. I can never figure out which is safer. Row upon row of shared walls that amount to the same as being in an elevator with someone. Almost as if the knowledge of a continually shared proximity compensates by shielding us with partial blind spots that filter what we see and hear. I remember a friend of mine once described infinite regression during a smoke. For the next week all he talked about was a painter painting a picture of a painter painting a picture of a painter painting a picture. To tell you the truth after a little while with that I grew bored and didn’t relish those smoke breaks so much. Then a funny thing happened on the way to school, turns out this friend lost his life. One of those sudden tragedies that occurs a couple of times in every school year. Casualties of something, those acquaintances that just blink out of your network and our lost to the void. Growth is such a massive contradiction of fumbled emotions and Arthurian belief. Teenage years being the worst time of the affliction at no other time does it feel like the weight of your world is crushing on you more. Perspective forces anyone 10 years older or more to see you as overly dramatic and somewhat boring, unless of course your hot. Never offering any support or comfort they usually end up making you feel unstable and heavy in a very impersonal way.

A painter painting a picture of a painter painting a picture. I couldn’t get it out of my mind for weeks after he was gone. A painter painting a picture of a painter painting a picture. I kept imagining the way he described it with every detail and inflection. A painter painting a picture of a painter painting a picture. I poured over my head for days trying to piece together the most complete picture I could manage. The more I tried the less complete the picture became lost within the cells of my stunted brain. This lack of memory made the feeling of fate seem like a viable reality. Somewhere within his last moments was a communication I needed to pay attention to. A painter painting a picture of a painter painting a picture. Almost as if this kids whole life, his whole purpose on earth was so I could learn the painter painting a picture of a painter painting a picture or worse yet maybe it had gotten stuck in his head the same way it was now stuck in mind. But wait a second, actually more like a number of years because now that I look back I feel callous and cold. A friend that I spent time with, a guy I had known and related too dies at a very young age and I was so egotistical I turned it into a personal message to me.  What the heck was I thinking?


January 22, 2010

  I am carried away by the notion of a higher reasoning. The kind that dictates its Geneva code and articles of the Shadow proclamation. Sorry even in jest I want this to pretend that the core is the irrational and that the irrational is the voice of its own god. Not your G-D mind you in no way am I trying to be sacrilegious that would defeat the very purpose of all that I am trying to do. Please don’t lump me in with those Roman Catholic drama queen typo that’s all the rage now. I can’t even afford park avenue living in a one-by in freakin’ Philly and who are you to tell me to tow the line and justice will follow. Or to bid my time and let life allow.

Oh by the way the pantry man is showing his true colors and what are we to follow? Christ if it’s about lust then satisfy your own dead horse cravings and leave me the heck out of  it. I mean H E double f’n hockey sticks if this is the way you want it than I supplicate my field c’mon take me…do what you want. I exist on the plasi-dimension coil that you persist is mine when we both know how you truly feel.

It’s just not fair she got those diamonds, I mean where is justice these days?

Blaidd Drwg

January 21, 2010


January 21, 2010

  Never in any way trying to seem callous about what went into the right to vote for every citizen of the state. The boys lost to the hurricane of fear and hate tha was Mississippi and all over the country. Hoover boys doing there things once employed to sway the vote now enforcing the right to vote. I understand that it is the foundation of what we have achieved and in no way was I trying to question that.  It seems that the war over its power forces all of its soldiers to mis-represent the real truth and bearing. If you are too small to force any real change and if you are in no way significant to what is going on, the true goings on, then how much attention does your one choice get. If we are all allowed to vote, every citizen has been given that inalienable right and it is widely excepted and universally promoted. So much so that whenever we finish the invasion of any new territory we rush to have the people participate in their own elections. Trying to appease the guilt that comes after any slaughter no matter how just is foolhardy. But trying to convince the world: We bring freedom. You can vote for who you like. We bring choice. Is foolish. I don’t think they believe or trust us.

 In no way would I ever dishonor the memories of those that fought and died for those rights. In no way would I tarnish any fighter that held their beliefs to heart and stood for something.

I am just asking something simple. Where do the people we vote for come from? Who is getting the first choices?


January 21, 2010

  Not to get too politically minded and not to get too stuck on that kind of thing. I don’t vote, I don’t much see the use in it. I mean don’t get me wrong I understand why we vote I see the power it pretends to infuse the people with. Certainly I can see the warmth and energy it grants certain parties as the run door to door trying to press their opinion of candidate. The bottom line and the most disturbing part for me is the absolute shallowness and falseness that this grandstanding device becomes the center of what people believe the country that is America means. The ability of being sold the power to change anything in your surroundings is a powerful elixir. When you magnify that by the awe and pomp of government it belays its own little mind marching device. I think we miss-value the types of damage we can do to each other by simple neglect. People not only need to feel loved but they need to know that they have the ability to not only be noticed but appreciated for their input. You might not have what it takes to become the next Senator from your district but you can choose the one to back and canvass any neighborhood you wish in  prostrating belief for that candidate. Your own tiny way of belonging to something. Your very own expression of noticed. Good job, you made the difference you made this happen. Belief the strongest conviction you can show in a world unchanged by those around it. Told a butterfly in Tokyo can change the weather in Iceland, if a bug can do that oh what I can do…oh what I can do too.  After all you are better than a bug?